Monday, January 30, 2012

How works, at a high level

For Men using

If you are tired of dating women from your neighborhood, or tired of trying to meet that special person in a random encounter in a local bar, or you are intrigued by the exotic beauty and allure of a Chinese woman, might be for you. But, there are ways to make it really work for you, which I outline below, from my direct experience.

What makes different from the usual dating website?

It shocked me at first. The pay-as-you-use model used by Chnlove seemed to be rather expensive. After using it for a while, though, and having spent about $600 so far, I believe it is rather cost-effective when you consider how effective it is in helping you find the ideal mate.

At about $4 a translated letter, it's a lot more economical than buying a $7 glass of wine (or 3 or 4, or a whole fancy dinner for that matter) for that girl-hopeful you met in a local bar.
Because each back and forth letter is paid for (by the man), you know that the lady you are talking with is only receiving serious communications -- if any -- from other men on the site. In contrast, other all-you-can-eat-for-$20-a-month websites allow men to "carpet-bomb" all the women on the site and hope that one flower may rise from it. Chnlove, as far as my experience tells me, has relatively little back and forth communications, but I've found that each woman takes each communication seriously. And I tend to put my heart into every letter (limited to 6,000 characters) because I have to pay for each one.
Perhaps more importantly, the women on the site all must be ID-verified, which means that the age they post on the website is correct, they are weighed at the dating agency sponsored by Chnlove, so you know their weight is correct, and their photos and profile are entered by the agency endorsed by Chnlove.
All that means is that, what you see on a lady's profile is accurate. When you think you are developing a relationship with a 33 year-old woman in Changsa, you are not, in fact, talking to a 57 year-old pervert in up-state New York.

  • Be picky: There are tens of thousands of women on the site. Don't jump for the first one that looks pretty.
  • Don't start up a conversation unless you are really interested. Chinese women -- and I suspect Asian women in general -- respond very positively to a decent man who shows interest in them. Don't build them up only to drop them like a rock a week later.
  • Use a natural, recent and candid photo of yourself in your profile. if you ever get to fly to that special lady six months from now, you don't want her to be shocked by the fact that you are, actually, 15 years older than your profile picture. Better to let some drop off the radar now than you being abandoned in the hotel after she has had a good look at your generous frame.
  • Make sure every aspect of your profile is correct. If you smoke, say you smoke. When/if you give them up, you can change your profile then. if you weigh 200 lbs, don't put 170 lbs because you plan on going on a diet.
  • If you are not single (e.g. separated and in the middle of a divorce) say separated. When you walk out of the court with your divorce decree in hand, you can change your profile to specify Divorced at that point. Chinese ladies serious about a life long relationship like to move on your new relationship, and they cannot if you are still married.
  • Recommended: If you are still married but separated, my suggestion to you is to disengage your Chnlove profile until you are, in fact, divorced. You probably feel lonely and craving for the new relationship, but it is unlikely any relationship you develop while in transition will amount to anything. More likely, you will only attract those women who don't understand how really unavailable you are.
  • When you write a letter to your lady, fill it out completely. You have 6000 characters of space, and you pay the full translation price no matter what, so you might as well use all of it.
  • Tell them about yourself. Talk about your family, your friends, your likes, how you fill your day, your weekends, what your work is like. Let them know you. Talk about your feelings, what you like in a woman, and encourage your lady to talk about her feelings too. I invited them to ask me any personal question they like. Interestingly, this always started a conversation about sex. I have been surprised at how modern and candid the ladies I spoke to were. The old-fashioned China is disappearing fast, and you might be surprised at how liberated many of them are now. Remember, though, not to be too pushy in your sex talk. This can be received as a little pervy, so let them initiate any talk of intimacy.
  • if you are divorced, sooner or later, your lady is going to want to know how it all happened. When you tell your personal story, be sure to keep all your bitterness or any anger you might have for your ex out of the story.
  • It appears to me that the vast majority of women on the website are truly and absolutely interested in finding a decent guy, getting married and moving to the United States. I am an average-looking guy. I am a reasonably fit, but a bit overweight. I do have most of my hair which is still dark, with no gray or white yet. I am no Brad Pitt, but neither am I Quasimodo. Still, when I show interest in women in their mid-twenties -- some of them drop-dead gorgeous women -- they are always interested in me in return. A quick look at my profile, and they are quickly interested in pursuing the relationship.  In a separate posting, I will list about what the ladies on respond very well to, and what I think they are really interested in, on greater detail.

More coming soon..

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