Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Why would a Chinese woman be interested in a Western man?

The quick and easy -- and I believe too obvious -- answer to this question is, they want a Green Card. That is, they will do what it takes to get landed immigrant status in the United States, Canada, Australia or other country in order to begin and enjoy a new life of prosperity, freedom and women's rights.

It's not as simple as that.

Sure, a Green Card is a solid milestone in an immigrant's journey to stability and prosperity in the United States, but most Chinese women I have been in contact with are more interested in a new life with a good husband and a happy family. I say this not because it is what they tell me, but rather, because it is consistent with they behavior I observe, as well as my gut instincts.

At one point on my last visit to Asia, I was on a plane from Guangzhou to Beijing, about a two-and-a-half hour journey. It so happened that I sat beside an American man who was also accompanied by his Chinese wife and step-daughter. He had married his wife some two years earlier, and this was his step-daughter's first journey to the US, this time as a sponsored relative of the American man, her new step-father. His relatively new wife, I would say was about 42. He himself was 62, he told me, and his (absolutely stunning) step-daughter was 19.

He and I got talking about the whole cross-border marriage thing, and I asked him flat out why (in his opinion) Chinese women would want to marry a western man like him or me. His answer was that as Chinese men (and husbands) got older, they very often had affairs. To the virtuous Chinese would-be wife, this was often a deal killer, and a natural alternative to the sometimes rough or even brutal Chinese husband, a gentlemanly Western man would be attractive.
The other point he made was, Asian women don't mind a big age difference. He said, they like to be "the most beautiful person in the house" and that being married to an older man was not a reflection on her value as a woman, a wife or a mother.
To this I would add that many Chinese ladies see a Western man through rose-tinted glasses, having watched countless similar men on the silver screen all their lives.

Another side benefit for the Chinese woman marrying a Western man is, if they have children, they are often more beautiful than regular white kids. So, expect to hear comments about "mix blood babies" in your conversations with your Chinese would-be wife.

Clearly, though, the Green Card is a real attraction to a woman who might otherwise see a more bleak future as a wife and homemaker in the male-dominated society of China. Even with all the modernization in their country, the daily living of most Chinese is a struggle.
Yesterday, (mid-March 2012), I read about factory workers in the Apple iPad factory in China starting out at $200 a month. With hard work and experience, that salary "might exceed $400" if they earn more responsibility, the article said. The news article was about the unsanitary and dangerous working conditions in these factories, especially following explosions in two different Apple factories in the past year. So, you can imagine most salaries are in the low hundreds of dollars per month. In contrast, the prospect of working even in an entry-level Starbucks cafe for $2,000/month state-side must seem very attractive indeed to the average bank clerk in China.

I can imagine that some of the ladies on Chnlove have that one objective in mind: to get a Green Card then dump their husband and start over with, perhaps, a more attractive, younger and prosperous man in the United States, once they have their Green Card in the bag. My strong feeling is that very few of the ladies on Chnlove are like that. Sure, some are, but there are ways to ferret out that objective in a woman if it is the only thing she is interested in. Mostly, visiting her several times before you tie the knot is highly advisable. You can also probe how she feels about you and her living in China for the first year or so. If she is only interested in a Green Card, she will likely balk at that.
My strong feeling is that 80-90% of the ladies on Chnlove are simply looking for a decent western husband who will treat them fairly, lovingly and honestly, and they will be the most loyal wife to that man for as long as he lives. If that is what you are looking for, and if that is what you offer, Chnlove is  where you will find it.

Be fair, though. Your potential future Chinese wife is likely as interested in a Green Card as you are interested in having a sexual relationship with a hot young Asian woman. People don't get married for just pure love reasons. A woman will want a man of means. A Man will want a beautiful woman. If you are like me, you are attracted to the beautiful Asian looks of your future Chinese wife, so forgive her if she too has motives beyond just your fantastic personality. The thing is, women the world over have more in common with one another than they have differences, so the following list of Do's and Don't's will help you build a great future, really no matter what woman you are with.

How to keep your new wife happy, stay married and life happily ever after

  • Be honest from the beginning. You don't have to share every detail of your former marriage with your new Chinese would-be wife, or the story you like to tell about your drunken college days, but important details about your current status are important, such as: felonies, arrest warrants, drug use, drinking habits, sexual habits that might affect her, love of guns, questionable friends, nasty or dangerous relatives, children, family issues, child support responsibilities, earning capacity, assets, debts, work responsibilities, medications, health issues, education or anything else a wife would need or want to know.
  • Don't be a drunk. In fact, you might consider making your new home with her a drink-free zone. Not a bad idea for a middle aged man looking to start a new family.
    Being a Chinese woman, likely she won't drink at all, so if you like the odd couple of drinks, go do that with your buddies at the golf course. Still, being a heavy drinker in any part of your lifestyle will weigh negatively on your marriage prospects. Chinese women generally don't drink, so it won't be a way to get relaxed together the way you might with a Western woman. Get used to that from Day One.
  • Don't smoke. If you smoke now, consider giving them up right away. A non-smoker is more attractive to a Chinese woman than a smoker.
  • Don't do drugs. Pot or any other drug. Chinese women like a clean-living, law-abiding husband.
  • Be kind. Speak softly and gently to your new lady. Don't yell or -- obviously -- threaten or beat her. I'm sorry I have to spell that one out; you'd be surprised at how many Western men seem to think they can treat their Asian wife in this way.
  • Be old-fashioned. Open car doors for her, offer to take her coat, help her with her coat when she is leaving. Pull out a restaurant chair for her. Remember, one of the Western man's greatest features is his western gentlemanly habits, so be sure to deliver on this easy way to strengthen your relationship with her from the very beginning.
  • Don't forget your sense of humor. I have found that Chinese ladies respond very well to humor. With two different ladies I lettered with, I used Photoshop to insert myself into a photograph of her she had sent to me. The picture was a professional shot of her walking on a street in Changsha. The NEW picture was the same, but I was standing on the street close to her. It was clearly a Photoshop'd image, but she found it hilarious.
    Another picture I Photoshop'd was I used a picture of a wedding couple sitting on a bed, wearing their wedding costumes. I put her face over the bride's face, and my face over the bridegroom, so it looked like in the new picture we had just gotten married. She thought it was very touching that I would take the time and effort to do that small thing, but she sure loved it and we laughed about it a lot.
  • Keep an eye out for birthdays, Valentine's Day and other occasions.
Most of all, though, letting your potential future wife know who you are early and thoroughly is the best way to flush out disinterested ladies early and for her to get closer to you and open up to you. If there are to be surprises later in the relationship, let them be positive ones. Tell her any bad news, if you have any, early on.


  1. How can i tell if the girl is REAL...?

  2. Chnlove vets and verifies each woman before her account is published. That's what you're paying for.

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