I like Chinese women because...

They are:

• Generally more attractive/feminine than western women.
• Usually in good shape and they stay in shape as they get older.
• They don't drink (usually).
• Are family oriented.
• More traditional. I prefer a "husband is the man, wife is the woman" model of family building.
• undyingly loyal.
• I like Asian features in a woman. Let's face it, when Western women put on make-up, they make themselves look more Asian.
• As a Western man, I "get more" in a Chinese woman than I would with a Western woman, meaning, i can go for a woman higher up on the attractive scale, younger and all round better than I'd have access to in Western women.
• I like the injection of Chinese and Asian culture into my daily life.

The thing you must remember, though, is that after you get to know someone, you tend to forget what they look like. Sure, if she looked like Quasimodo on the first date, she'll still look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame six months later.

In addition, time is brutal on beauty. Ten years on, it will be her character and personality that will keep you interested in her.

All that aside, happy or miserable, there's no harm in looking over the kitchen table at a beautiful woman. It's what gets me out of bed every morning.

Why would a Chinese woman be interested in a Western man?

The quick and easy -- and I believe too obvious -- answer to this question is, they want a Green Card. That is, they will do what it takes to get landed immigrant status in the United States, Canada, Australia or other country in order to begin and enjoy a new life of prosperity, freedom and women's rights.

It's not as simple as that.

Sure, a Green Card is a solid milestone in an immigrant's journey to stability and prosperity in the United States, but most Chinese women I have been in contact with are more interested in a new life with a good husband and a happy family. I say this not because it is what they tell me, but rather, because it is consistent with they behavior I observe, as well as my gut instincts.

At one point on my last visit to Asia, I was on a plane from Guangzhou to Beijing, about a two-and-a-half hour journey. It so happened that I sat beside an American man who was also accompanied by his Chinese wife and step-daughter. He had married his wife some two years earlier, and this was his step-daughter's first journey to the US, this time as a sponsored relative of the American man, her new step-father. His relatively new wife, I would say was about 42. He himself was 62, he told me, and his (absolutely stunning) step-daughter was 19.

He and I got talking about the whole cross-border marriage thing, and I asked him flat out why (in his opinion) Chinese women would want to marry a western man like him or me. His answer was that as Chinese men (and husbands) got older, they very often had affairs. To the virtuous Chinese would-be wife, this was often a deal killer, and a natural alternative to the sometimes rough or even brutal Chinese husband, a gentlemanly Western man would be attractive.
The other point he made was, Asian women don't mind a big age difference. He said, they like to be "the most beautiful person in the house" and that being married to an older man was not a reflection on her value as a woman, a wife or a mother.
To this I would add that many Chinese ladies see a Western man through rose-tinted glasses, having watched countless similar men on the silver screen all their lives.

Another side benefit for the Chinese woman marrying a Western man is, if they have children, they are often more beautiful than regular white kids. So, expect to hear comments about "mix blood babies" in your conversations with your Chinese would-be wife.

Clearly, though, the Green Card is a real attraction to a woman who might otherwise see a more bleak future as a wife and homemaker in the male-dominated society of China. Even with all the modernization in their country, the daily living of most Chinese is a struggle.
Yesterday, (mid-March 2012), I read about factory workers in the Apple iPad factory in China starting out at $200 a month. With hard work and experience, that salary "might exceed $400" if they earn more responsibility, the article said. The news article was about the unsanitary and dangerous working conditions in these factories, especially following explosions in two different Apple factories in the past year. So, you can imagine most salaries are in the low hundreds of dollars per month. In contrast, the prospect of working even in an entry-level Starbucks cafe for $2,000/month state-side must seem very attractive indeed to the average bank clerk in China.

I can imagine that some of the ladies on Chnlove have that one objective in mind: to get a Green Card then dump their husband and start over with, perhaps, a more attractive, younger and prosperous man in the United States, once they have their Green Card in the bag. My strong feeling is that very few of the ladies on Chnlove are like that. Sure, some are, but there are ways to ferret out that objective in a woman if it is the only thing she is interested in. Mostly, visiting her several times before you tie the knot is highly advisable. You can also probe how she feels about you and her living in China for the first year or so. If she is only interested in a Green Card, she will likely balk at that.
My strong feeling is that 80-90% of the ladies on Chnlove are simply looking for a decent western husband who will treat them fairly, lovingly and honestly, and they will be the most loyal wife to that man for as long as he lives. If that is what you are looking for, and if that is what you offer, Chnlove is  where you will find it.

Be fair, though. Your potential future Chinese wife is likely as interested in a Green Card as you are interested in having a sexual relationship with a hot young Asian woman. People don't get married for just pure love reasons. A woman will want a man of means. A Man will want a beautiful woman. If you are like me, you are attracted to the beautiful Asian looks of your future Chinese wife, so forgive her if she too has motives beyond just your fantastic personality. The thing is, women the world over have more in common with one another than they have differences, so the following list of Do's and Don't's will help you build a great future, really no matter what woman you are with.

How to keep your new wife happy, stay married and life happily ever after

• Be honest from the beginning. You don't have to share every detail of your former marriage with your new Chinese would-be wife, or the story you like to tell about your drunken college days, but important details about your current status are important, such as: felonies, arrest warrants, drug use, drinking habits, sexual habits that might affect her, love of guns, questionable friends, nasty or dangerous relatives, children, family issues, child support responsibilities, earning capacity, assets, debts, work responsibilities, medications, health issues, education or anything else a wife would need or want to know.
• Don't be a drunk. In fact, you might consider making your new home with her a drink-free zone. Not a bad idea for a middle aged man looking to start a new family.
  Being a Chinese woman, likely she won't drink at all, so if you like the odd couple of drinks, go do that with your buddies at the golf course. Still, being a heavy drinker in any part of your lifestyle will weigh negatively on your marriage prospects. Chinese women generally don't drink, so it won't be a way to get relaxed together the way you might with a Western woman. Get used to that from Day One.
• Don't smoke. If you smoke now, consider giving them up right away. A non-smoker is more attractive to a Chinese woman than a smoker.
• Don't do drugs. Pot or any other drug. Chinese women like a clean-living, law-abiding husband.
• Be kind. Speak softly and gently to your new lady. Don't yell or -- obviously -- threaten or beat her. I'm sorry I have to spell that one out; you'd be surprised at how many Western men seem to think they can treat their Asian wife in this way.
• Be old-fashioned. Open car doors for her, offer to take her coat, help her with her coat when she is leaving. Pull out a restaurant chair for her. Remember, one of the Western man's greatest features is his western gentlemanly habits, so be sure to deliver on this easy way to strengthen your relationship with her from the very beginning.
• Don't forget your sense of humor. I have found that Chinese ladies respond very well to humor. With two different ladies I lettered with, I used Photoshop to insert myself into a photograph of her she had sent to me. The picture was a professional shot of her walking on a street in Changsha. The NEW picture was the same, but I was standing on the street close to her. It was clearly a Photoshop'd image, but she found it hilarious.
  Another picture I Photoshop'd was I used a picture of a wedding couple sitting on a bed, wearing their wedding costumes. I put her face over the bride's face, and my face over the bridegroom, so it looked like in the new picture we had just gotten married. She thought it was very touching that I would take the time and effort to do that small thing, but she sure loved it and we laughed about it a lot.
• Keep an eye out for birthdays, Valentine's Day and other occasions.

Most of all, though, letting your potential future wife know who you are early and thoroughly is the best way to flush out disinterested ladies early and for her to get closer to you and open up to you. If there are to be surprises later in the relationship, let them be positive ones. Tell her any bad news, if you have any, early on.

When do you first get "intimate"?

This must be a burning question for most men who sign up on Chnlove. If you are an American or European, you might be used to "going all the way" after only a few dates with your average western woman in North America. Although China has changed a lot in the past couple of decades, it is still very much a society of women divided among the Vixenly and the Virtuous. In other words, the average young Chinese woman is likely either a virgin, or she has plenty of sexual experience under her belt. I would venture to say that, among 25 year-old single Chinese women, 20% account for 90% of the sexual activity. But that's just my personal guess, based on dozens of conversations and interactions with Chinese women in that age group on the Chnlove.com website.

So, you've decided to visit your lady. You've had many letters back and forth, some telephone conversations, and you have a folder full of nice photos she has sent to you over the past months. You've both spoken of a visit by you to her, and finally, the time has come to break some real ground. You actually book a plane ticket. Wow! That first step, I felt when I took it, was huge. As soon as you buy a ticket, the next step is to get a visitor visa for China. The company I used to get mine is here, by the way. (I have no affiliation or relationship with that company, by the way). Including Fed-exing it back to your home overnight, the cost was about $160 for a multiple entry visa from them.

You've bought your air ticket, and your visa is on its way. For the first time in your relationship with a lady so far away, you are actually going to take the huge step of visiting her. The clock is ticking, and you will likely -- if you are like me -- count down the weeks then days to stepping onto that plane.

You can always back out at the last minute, of course. That must happen occasionally. If you've got another two months to wait, you might meet someone else in that time, your work or other life circumstances might make it impossible, or you might simply lose your nerve.

How to make it easier

I am fifty years old. I got divorced a few years ago after a two decades-long marriage. Getting involved with a young woman, let alone one from such a different culture, frankly frightened the life out of me early on. I had been with only one woman, my ex-wife, for the previous two decades, so I felt like I was almost starting over again, almost like I was a virgin all over again. I did feel nervous, for sure.
Here are my suggestions for that first visit:

• Don't plan on having sex with the new woman in your life. It might happen, sure. But don't plan on it. If you are interested in her for the long term, you can wait for the second trip if it turns out that way. Likely, though, if the relationship is going anywhere, you will consummate your relationship on your first visit.
• Plan to stay in a hotel near where she lives, but not around the corner. Maybe within three or four miles of a point convenient to her, such as her home or her workplace, will be near enough. This will give her a sense that you are not crowding her out. It may take her time to introduce you to her family and friends, so the extra space will allow her to manage that in a way that makes her comfortable. Remember, your arrival -- the big foreign-looking-and-sounding westerner -- is in itself a huge shock to her. Let her manage your entry into her life the way she wants. It is, after all, her country you are in.
• Before you depart north America, make a solid plan to visit her city, town and neighboring areas. Do plenty of research before you go, to help you know the city you will be visiting. Read up on the culture, history, tourist attractions, etc..
  I perused Wikipedia for every detail of Changsha (a city with a population of over 7 million) before I ever visited the city. What's more, it gave me plenty of talking points when I was lettering back and forth to my lady from that city, long before I ever met her.
  In the worst case, if she stands you up, you have a wonderful Chinese city to experience on your own.
• Plan as if you were to meet her every two or three days. If you really hit it off, great! You can see her every day and if it develops, she may well be spending the night with you at least once before your trip is over.
• Although you may well see the new relationship develop in a way that presents an opportunity for you to invite her to sleep over, be aware that she will likely be far less experienced than you. In addition -- and perhaps more importantly -- Chinese women are usually more passive and in need of intimacy respect than the average western woman. So, don't make any assumptions about sexual behavior she might engage in. Instead, take it very gently and slowly. 
• What I have found to be a real ice breaker is to give her a thorough foot massage. Perhaps you are in your hotel room, you suggest you watch a movie (which will likely be in Chinese -- go with it). Offer to give her a foot massage while she is sitting watching the movie. This will both make her relaxed, and will give you a change to become physically close. As a prelude to what might happen later, both these effects are advantageous.
• Take it in small steps. The first time you and she are alone in your hotel room, it might be for her to simply drop you there after she picked you up from the airport. The second time, it might be when she comes to visit you the next day and you are rested and all cleaned up for the day's activities. The third time, it might be for you both to watch a movie together. Don't rush it. Take every visit as a small step towards intimacy later in your visit. Still, keep your eyes open for the cue from her to -- for instance -- invite her to stay the night. Remember, Chinese ladies are reluctant to give any bold invitation to intimacy. A strong "I am available to have sex" message would be in conflict with her cultural need to appear virtuous. Instead, she will be far more subtle. It might be by lingering a little longer than the previous night. Look out for that cue and be ready to respect and maintain her virtue by being the one to come up with the idea. It might start with holding her hand while watching a movie on the hotel TV. It might be how she responds if you put your arms around her waist as she looks out the hotel window.

There are many reasons for taking these steps. Most of all, it takes a lot of psychological pressure off your potential future wife (you are here in search of a life long partner, right?), so she doesn't freak out at the last minute and not show up. I fear that was exactly what happened with the first lady from Chnlove I went to visit. It also takes pressure off you. Likely, you are a good deal older than she is, and perhaps this is the first time you have ever been with a woman so much young that you, so you may naturally feel a little bit intimidated. I know I was that first time. So give yourself a break and, long before you visit her, make it clear to her that there is no pressure to have sex (I never actually use that term with any lady I communicate with on Chnlove.com. Instead, I use the term "make love"). That way, if anything happens on that first visit, it will be spontaneous and no one will suffer from performance anxiety. That is, if you take things slow.

Once I booked my flight, I had some eight weeks to go before I traveled. I spent the time working out regularly, eating well, and generally taking care of myself, in order to be my best when she saw me for the first time.

Getting stood-up at the airport in China

Perhaps I should have seen this coming, but the first woman I went to visit in China didn't show up at the airport where and when we agreed to meet. After a bit of communication, I learned that she simply lost her nerve at the last minute and decided not to go to the airport. Neither did she email me to give me a heads-up. She just didn't show up.

I had been communicating with her for about 3 months -- from about August of 2011 -- every single time via the Chnlove website. We had exchanged so many personal and intimate feelings and dreams, I felt we had a close relationship. Enough, I thought, to take the chance and go to visit her in person. I had the ticket booked from San Francisco to Beijing, and Beijing to Guangzhou. She was to take a relatively short trip from an outlying town to the arrivals hall at Guangzhou airport to meet me as I walked through the door.

One of the downsides for the men on Chnlove is, you can spend quite a bit of money before you ever get to meet the dame of your dreams, assuming they even show up. Still, I do feel it is still worth it. There are some spectacular women on the site, the likes of which you could never date if you met them Stateside.

I took it on face value that the lady I was to meet was advised to keep her personal contact information to herself until she met the man in person, so I didn't even have a cell phone number to text her on. The only means I had to contact her was her profile on Chnlove. By the time I arrived in Guangzhou, I had burned up probably $400 on communications with her through Chnlove, and another $1,000 for the flight and related costs. So, you can understand that I was a disappointed. Still, it wasn't about the money. I felt let down, and I didn't want this latest experience to make me bitter or cynical about Chinese women. I know women -- and men -- are the same the world over. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned, so I took the airport no-show in my stride and made the most of my trip.

After waiting for about three hours for her, I went to a small, local hotel, fired up my laptop and sent a letter to her via Chnlove. Was she OK? Was she late? I asked, although I knew the answer deep down in my heart. It would have been easy for her to find an arrivals hall in her own neighborhood airport. She had to have changed her mind, I knew in the bottom of my heart.

It would be another five or six hours after I sent the late-night letter before she would receive it, since it had to be translated by the agency, who wouldn't even be due in their office until 8 or 9am. So, it must have been after 11am when I got a reply from my no-show lady. She was so sorry she lost her nerve, she said. She "wasn't ready to meet me" and was "a little scared", and so on.

To be honest, it was a bit of a relief. She and I had shared so much and built up so many expectations that I felt I couldn't meet half of them. Still, I wanted to meet her and to explore how we might get along without a single word of common language. It could have been a lot of fun, with or without intimacy.

We traded a few more letters back and forth that day, but I was planning an alternative vacation as the day progressed. I stayed in Asia for the two weeks, travelling around, rather than pay for an adjusted flight and scurry back to the US right away.

I didn't get angry with her, but I was disappointed in myself. I should have had at least organized a few telephone conversations with her before I got on that plane to visit her.
I gave her another invitation to meet me in the same airport on my way home two weeks later. She couldn't meet me, she said, offering the excuse that her employer wouldn't give her the time off to make the trip to Guangzhou and back mid-week. I thought it was odd, really, since she was very eager to keep letters coming and the communications lines open.

That was that, I thought.
I knew if she wasn't going to make the effort to redeem herself by taking me up on the second invite, I wasn't going to fly again to China to meet her, and risk another thousand-plus-dollar airport stand-up. So, I quietly departed, and set her profile to <blocked>. There was no point in paying for any more $4-a-page letters from or to her. After standing me up in the first place, I felt she needed to do something big to show me she was genuinely interested, and she missed that second and last chance.

Now I am back State-side, chatting to a few more ladies on Chnlove. If I ever do make another trip out there, which I likely will, I will be sure to visit a woman who I know will show up at the arrivals. In addition, I will have a back-up plan. Right now I am chatting with three different ladies, all from the same town of Changsha. In another month or so, I will visit their fair city. Perhaps I will simply say that I am "visiting the city" and "we should meet up some time during that visit". That way, there will be less pressure on everyone, and if anyone is a no-show, there are at least two more in the wings.

What is the moral of this story?
Before you book any flights, you should at least have had a few telephone calls with your lady, and perhaps a few webcam chats too. As well as that, you should have her cellphone number and a way to contact her when you land. Lastly, a "backup" lady might not hurt either. If all that fails, and you truly are alone in a Chinese city, know that there are worse fates. Almost every tiny corner of China is interesting. Every back street, every country lane is stepped in history. Take out your camera and go for a walk.

Divorced dad made to feel like a criminal

I've been working since I was 21, but really, since I was 14.
In high school, I took on every bit of part time work I could so that I could have a few things, like a bicycle (a 10-speed racer) and other toys.
Needing to make ends meet in our modest household, my mother took 1/3rd of everything I earned, for as long as I lived under her roof. In addition to household costs needing to be met, she said, it was good training for me. Before during or after my childhood, I never got a dime of allowance. and I was fine with that.
Good training all right, for what was ahead.

I put myself through college, paying every last dime of school fees, accommodation and spending money along the way. It meant working every last hour that God gave me, but it was an incredibly empowering experience to put yourself through college like that. It was clear to me later that this early training made me a good hard worker when I eventually worked full-time in real jobs.

By the time I was 50, I had raised three kids into the late teenage years (so far), set aside money for their college fees, almost paid off a modest house in the Bay Area, and had put my then-wife through college in a great university locally.
Never in my life have I ever collected any kind of government assistance, dole or any so-called "free money". I have paid my taxes, obeyed the law and stood by my responsibilities to my kids and ex-wife.
I've never been arrested, I'm a home bird dad and spend all my money on my family.

Some things, though, don't work out.
After twenty years of marriage, my ex and I split up. She grew one way, I grew the other. Small issues grew into big issues, and we found ourselves before a judge in a divorce court.
Neither one of us did anything wrong; neither of us "caused" the divorce. We just woke up one morning in different universes.
I'm told that happens a lot.

Within the judgement of her getting 60% of our entire assets, she got the house, primary custody of our kids, hefty child support from me of course going forward, and three years of generous spousal support.

So here I am, back down to a 700 square foot apartment, alone. And I'm paying for two households instead of one. After the kids' college fees are taken out of it, the lawyers are paid off, a new household is paid for, and the thousand divorce buzzards take their piece of meet, I ended up being worth about $200k. Not much to start with in the Bay Area at 50 years of age.

Prosecuted for having been a husband

The legal process was very interesting. It made me feel like I was being prosecuted for having been a husband. It felt like I was going to be made pay for some crime I had committed, or an obligation I did not meet. "In the interests of the children", I was told, things were going to be taken care of.
I even had my own lawyer telling me "you better make sure that child support payment turns up every month on time". It was funny to hear that after all I had done for 25 years was pump money into my family. I cringe to imagine what it must be like for men who actually did something like beat their wife or became an alcoholic or were just a dead-beat.
My attorney was a good one, I was told by many. I got "about as good a deal as I could", I was told.
The judge bought into the whole picture my ex-wife painted of me being a laggard and a money waster. That, despite the fact that we had a million dollars of assets to fight over, and I was the only one who worked for three decades. She really believed she made the money, since she had been managing it for years. Dogged determination paid off for her: she somehow imprinted that idea on the judge.

I decided from the beginning not to go on the attack. I thought by "taking the high ground", I would at least not appear petty. I thought the judge would see the scathing attacks on my character and personality for what they were. As it turned out, the judge seemed impressed with the aggressive go-getter attitude of my ex-wife.
My naive believe that he would see it all for what is was didn't pan out. My strategy was that I would treat her contributions to the marriage and family with respect. I believed that justice would prevail and anyone that mattered would see the truth through any smoke screen.
Mistake.

Sitting on my couch looking back, I see what my role was: The Worker.
Looking forward into the future, I see what my role is: The Worker.

It's hard not to feel cynical. I worked all my life, believing that a reward would come of it. Instead, I hand over the lion's share of everything I worked for to someone who ground me into the ground every day I came home from work.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it is worth it.

"The next time I feel the urge to get married, I'll find a woman I don't like and buy her a house". (From the movie When harry Met Sally, i think).

Traveling to meet the lady you met on Chnlove.com for the first time

Sooner or later, there comes the time when you and/or your new girlfriend wish to meet for the first time. How soon do you bring up the subject? How far into the future do you plan your visit? How long will you stay there? Where will you stay there? What expectations around intimacy are reasonable? Bring gifts? Offer money?

How soon do you bring up the subject?

This will come very naturally to you. When the time is right, you will know. You can also talk about it without having to say "I will be there on July 12". You can discuss it obliquely, such as "honey, if our relationship develops over the next weeks, how might you feel about my visiting you a few months from now?" Remind her that you want her to "feel totally comfortable, so no need to reply to your inquiry yet". and so on.

How far into the future do you plan your first visit?

Realistically, you will need at least two months notice before you buy an airline ticket, if for no other reason than to keep your costs reasonable. In addition, flying across the Pacific gets considerably more expensive in their high season, the June - July time frame.
Needless to say, it is likely not a good idea to book a trip without explicit agreement with your new girlfriend. She will presumably want to take time off to be with you, so you will both need to co-ordinate that before you book any flights.
Also, each of you will need time to prepare, both physically and psychologically. Perhaps you'd like to work off those few extra lbs before you travel, or she might need to wrap up a previous relationship or simply need time to grow into the idea of meeting you. You will get a better result if you move slowly. And when you are waiting to travel after you have booked it, use the time to learn more about your new love, her culture and her country. Get fit and healthy before you travel. Learn about the city and/or region you will visit. Go prepared.

How long will you stay there?

Two weeks can be a long time to spend with someone you have met in person for the first time. There is a lot of emotional energy between you, and you might find two weeks to be hard work. Still, my first visit to a woman in Asia was for two weeks. The first few days were a bit tense, but we melted on about Day 4, and moved to an intimate stage of our relationship from there.

Where will you stay there?

you can get a traditional Chinese hotel, which I find to be very quaint, for around $20 to $30 a night. I would highly recommend this type of accommodation over a fancy western style hotel which may run you 3 or 4 times that amount. It also sends the clear message to your potential future loved one that you embrace her culture. "If it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me" is how I looked at it, and that came across very positively to my new lover.
Talk to her about accommodation long before you get there. See if you need to book ahead, but likely, if you are traveling off-season, you can go on spec wen you arrive. finding a local traditional hotel with your Chinese woman by your side will also get you a better deal. She will know how to bargain for the best deal. Having her there to talk Chinese to the hotel staff might allow you to negotiate for a bigger room, a bigger bed or a better view.

What expectations around intimacy are reasonable?

What can you reasonably expect?

So here's the 64,000-dollar question. Let's ask the question bluntly: When do you first have sex?
Personally, I did not arrive on my first visit assuming anything. Unless you get the explicit message from your lady that she is willing, I would not assume it. Although I know some guys think "hey, I paid to fly all the way here, I expect some action", I believe it is better to be patient. Very likely, yes, she will be willing, ready and excited to make love with you soon after you arrive, (maybe a few days into the trip), but likely she will want to see that you are what she thought you were. For example, if your profile pictures are 15 years old, and now you are 20 lbs heavier and have since lost most of your hair, she may be shocked at how much older you look now. Even when you really do look like the photos you sent to her, there is always a bit of a shock factor. She will not look quite like her photos either, so bear that in mind.
This goes back again to the honesty. The clearer the picture of you she has before you arrive, the more smoothly EVERYTHING will go.

Bring gifts?

Unless you are Brad Pitt, in which case your arrival is your very gift, it is customary to bring a gift or gifts to your loved one. In fact, it might be nice to bring a gift for every member of her immediate family.
It's not the time yet for that $10,000 engagement ring, but a $500 necklace could really touch her heart. A personal gift can work wonders. Perhaps a heart-shaped pendant on a necklace that opens and can take a photo of you and her side-by-side, or some such gift. If you buy such a small but expensive gift, you might consider some other items in addition, like chocolates (Frans or such, no cheap stuff), perfume , a nice tee-shirt, a big warm set of pajamas that might be difficult to find there. Be careful not to buy generic made-in-China products, though.

Offer money?

Another tough question.
Some Chinese ladies struggle financially. Some of the finest, most beautiful and ideal women in China might not even have a good education and might struggle to make ends meet, still living with their family of origin. You may earn $70,000 here in North America, while she earns $5,000 in a small town in China.
I recommend you do not give any money to her until you have seen her in person. The only exception to this rule is if you ask her to meet you and travelling to meet you (say, at an airport a distance from her town), she will have to spend some money to get there. Insist that you cover her costs and then some. Use Western Union or Money Gram to send her 2x what you expect she may have to spend on your behalf. It will still be peanuts; don't be cheap.
When you are there, you can expect to pay for EVERYTHING, including perhaps groceries if you go shopping in the market with her mother. It's all good, though. It's still cheap, and it is a very good investment in good will in your new love one's family and relationship. Show them all you are not cheap!
Look, Chnlove.com is bringing you in touch with a lady the likes of which you WILL NEVER find here in your own country. Pour your heart into this relationship and you will find the gorgeous, fun and interesting woman who has fallen in love with you will bring incredibly joy and happiness to your life.

Preparing for the first few minutes...

Any person with feelings will feel at least a little tense as the moment approaches when you will meet your potential future partner for the first time. I know for me, it was definitely so. Still, there are plenty of things you can do to ease the anxiety around that first meeting.
More to come here...

What women on Chnlove.com respond to most favorably

As I've mentioned in a previous blog posting, I was surprised at how I could hold the attention of a number of stunning women on Chnlove.com, despite being considerably older than them. I understand better now, what they are most likely to respond to. Here's are my thoughts:

• Honesty. By the time your English letter gets translated into Chinese, it is often much clearer to the lady on the other end just how honest you are. I have found the translators to be pretty darn good at getting my message across, because the response to questions, etc., suggests they really understood the questions I ask.
• Look closely at the photos they send for clues about the dress sense, their hair style, their best features (e.g. nice long fingers, their smile, eyes, etc.). You might even guess at who else is in the picture or where it might have been taken. Comment on those aspects and show her that you are truly interested. Taking the time to read her letter carefully, making sure to answer any questions she has asked you, tells her you are likely focusing on her now, and not a dozen ladies at the same time.
• Tell her about your original family (the one your grew up in). Give her a few early family photos so she gets a sense of your origins, what you looked like as a young boy or man, what your family circumstances were, etc.. This will help her get a sense that you are "real" and not just a profile on a dating site.
• Keep a folder on your computer to manage all the photos she sends you. It can be very nice to browse that folder during the day to "internalize" the relationship you are now developing.
• more to come...